I was over at my dear friend Christopher’s house yesterday (whom I’ve known since elementary school and is like family to me) and we were sitting, watching and cheering on his Roomba as it went about it’s noble task of vacuuming his carpet. I know, we’re the most exciting people ever but in all fairness, it was actually really fun. As we were watching it do its little best to navigate the legs of a table, Chris made a comment about me living my life like a Roomba now.
Let me explain, this past Tuesday was my last day at a job that had been making me miserable for a long time now. I was the manager of a bank and it was in a lot of ways the job I’d been working towards for many years. It was a decent paying, respectable job. While I was thankful for being lucky enough to secure the sort of job that many people only dream of, I hated it. I didn’t agree with a lot of the things that they said and did, and after a lot of self-reflection, I realized how much I craved working for myself. Not being tied to any company, wasting my life to earn them maximum profit dollars.
I needed to break away. I needed to go out in the world and give myself a shot. I’d spent so many years talking and dreaming about businesses I wanted to start and things that I want to do but never really following through on any of them because, well, there was always some good reason not to. Some fantastic excuse that kept me in the safe little bubble that it took me years to realize was killing me.
It seemed like every year my depression and anxiety got worse. I was suffocating. And after a lot of meditation and talks with those I love most and an amazing therapist, I realized that I was done. I had to be. For the first time in my life, I had to say Fuck it to everything that I thought society wanted me to be. I had to find my own way to being to find myself.
So I quit.
Just like that. I put in my notice and felt lighter than I had in years. The clouds of depression parted and the world seemed brighter. Full of possibilities. I could do anything. And no longer would I accept the excuses and feeble logic that held me back. I know that I’ll probably fail many times over. And while that thought would have crippled me in the past, my new free outlook on life and discovery of self-belief found it thrilling. I began discussing ideas with those around me almost instantly. Ways to make money for ourselves while also exploring hobbies and interests that we’ve never had time for in the past. Kristen has graciously offered me her spare bedroom as a way for both of us to cut down on living expenses and are adopting a much more minimalist outlook.
I will likely hit many dead ends and walls but just like the little Rooma, I won’t let them stop me. I will turn myself around and head in a new direction. As a wise friend recently said to me, “If you don’t let yourself fail, then you won’t.”